Man alive, it's been a crazy few months for me. Do you ever feel like you have such a huge to-do list that every bit of it is only getting your bare minimum? It's not a very good feeling. For me, it's a pride issue. When I'm very busy I long for simplicity and quiet. Then, when I have it...the inevitable guilt sets in and I begin to compare myself to all the the other miserable busy people around me. THEN (you guessed it) I find a way to become miserable and hustle through life as well. I've come to understand that my self worth is very wrapped up in a task based point system. I've also realized that I'm extremely co-dependant with my successful and impressive friends and feel that I must stay as productive as they...for fear I'll be viewed as lazy.
My mother in law said the funniest thing the other day, "If Satan can't make ya bad he'll make ya too busy". Isn't it true?
(funny side note, Typepad, the blogger site I use here, has a new feature that auto-magically picks up important tags in your post content as you write it. So far it has highlighted only "satan". perfect. I feel like a victim of blogger predictive text)
In the midst of these mini-epiphanies I started school full-time as a graphic design student, took a part-time job working as an "eco maid" and started volunteering more consistently with an AMAZING non-profit called KUZA Program. I'm also learning how to be a wife, trying (in vain) to connect with friends, keep a clean house, get in shape and learn to LOVE carrot sticks (never gonna happen).
Huh, am I forgetting something...
OH! I own a tiny paper goods and wedding rental business called Jarfly. I'm also a blogger.
That last part came near to ruin as I began to hate Jarfly, it's look, it's direction and what the hell I was even doing with it!
Then, quite suddenly...life slowed down. Well, I made it slow down by dropping a class and pulling back in some other areas of life. Bottom line is, I'm not good at balance. I'm extremely polarized in my thinking and actions and rarely know how to find the middle ground. Know what? That's okay I guess, as I can't really change how I'm wired. But I have learned to step back and re-fresh.
So rather than blow this blog to pieces and move to another state (like I was contemplating) I decided to give Jarfly it's annual make over....and I have to say, I'm very pleased with the results this year. I spent a lot of time trying to "make" my blog look like other blogs last year. I tried to do craft projects and network around the web...hoping to break into the design world. I started polking around in bloggin classes (which were great) and took copious notes...sure that I would finally gain those 3,000 hits a day I'd been craving.
After all that, I simply began to hate my blog, because it wasn't me.
There are a million ways to get one thing done I say. I used to write quirky short stories an satirical essays. I'm gonna start doing that again. I also used to draw stick figures a lot...probably gonna take that up some more. I like pretty things. I like funny things. I like people who don't take themselves too seriously and I like practical projects and tips for life. I think I'll start sharing what I'm seeing around in regards to that. I think fashion is fun and I love photography, so you may see that pop up from time to time. I adore paper goods and graphic design...and I'm getting better at it. So I'll hope to see what you think of my up and coming work and online boutique that is in construction.
And more than anything...I'm just excited to start being me again, even if only 2 people read it.
Fresh starts....are good.