I began blogging in 2008 because one night, while watching multiple bear documentaries (yes, you read that right) my friend Bethany turned to me and said this:
"You should have a blog."
"I don't even have a computer," I answered.
"Use mine. You should have one, you say weird things I'd read. Here, I'm setting you up one," Bethany said.
And that she did, right then and there.
Thus, Thoughts From The Jar, my very first blog, was born. Here are the sad contents of my first post: "There must be nothing worse than being eaten for dinner by something you love." -some guy on TV talking about Bears
I've graduated, since then, beyond one sentence bear-documentary synopsis's (I'd hope). Blogging itself has come a long way too...it seems everyone these days has some kind of platform for their thoughts. I have to be honest with you, my corgi has his own Instagram (she typed, shamefully). Even more ridiculously, he has way more followers than I do (it must be the ears). And while my corgi's job in the world of the web is just to be cute, I find that I struggle with the idea of what my blogging identity should be. Or even my professional identity as a whole.
I'm one of those endlessly fidgety people who love doing lots of different things. For example: When I was 13 I was absolutely, irrevocably convinced that it was my destiny to be a whale trainer after visiting Sea World. Those creatures needed me. On their noses. Balancing on one foot (to be specific). Yet, not one week later I was desperate to learn Spanish. The same week I developed the story line for a novel I would write entitled "Two Sets Of Twins" (yes, I have still have the story-board filled with googly-eyed baby drawings). Please don't ask me to diverge the plot to this book as I'm can only imagine it was something of a Full-House meets Gone With The Wind concoction. My point is, I like variety, and I always have.
As an adult, I've managed to whittle down my interests to photography and design based disciplines...but always questioning my loyalties to either one. Truly, the simpler question is this: How do I develop an audience with so much noise everywhere...particularly when I'm fabricating some of the noise myself? And is there worth in blogging and sharing creativity even if you're not sure anyone is watching/reading?
I greatly admire so many bloggers, creatives, and professionals. Particularly women who have worked hard, established themselves, obtained a clear brand/vision...and therefore earned their audience. Perhaps I simply haven't done the work well enough yet, or maybe I need somebody to ask me the right question so I can work out the chaos of my many dreams...narrowing them to clarity.
I was listening to an interview on the radio with Barbara Streisand the other day. She was asked by the radio host what "emotions were uprooted" when she wrote the song Evergreen. She paused, and in her famous Brooklyn accent responded:
"Well I guess I could have been thinking about chocolate CAKE! I don't know...."
Perhaps sometimes I make things too complex...I so often long for a sense of control and power over my own destiny. While I absolutely believe in hard work and intention...I think I just need to take a little easy on myself for now, and create simply for the sake of creating. If there is ever a need for me to blog about a Bear Documentary, well...I guess I've got that checked off on my resume.